What Experience of You Are You Giving?

What experience of you are you giving to people?

Really—pause and think about that for a moment. Are you giving people the experience you want them to have? Are your intentions lining up with your impact? (This is paraphrased from a question Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer at VaynerMedia, often asks, and one I’ve never forgotten.)

Let’s get real:

• Are you angry and people miss the entire point of why you’re angry?
• Are you coming across as cringy so the opportunity you’re offering gets dismissed?
• Are you overly pushy about your products, your opinions, your beliefs, so people write you off before they even hear you out?
• Are you under-informed but speaking confidently, and people question your credibility or intentions?

It’s not just about how you feel. It’s about what others feel when they’re around you.

At TAP, we often discuss the distinction between intention and impact, and it's in the space between these two that many leaders lose trust, credibility, and connection. You might intend to inspire, motivate, or encourage, but if your energy, tone, or delivery doesn’t match the moment or the needs of your audience, your impact will miss the mark.

Here’s the thing: how people experience you; your presence, your energy, your words—matters. Because people don’t just remember what you said, they remember how you made them feel.

If your presence feels dismissive, aggressive, chaotic, or performative, it doesn’t matter how clear your message is, your audience may have already tuned out.

You have the power to influence; don’t miss it.

So, what does this mean in practical terms? It means doing a gut-check before you show up. It means self-awareness becomes a leadership superpower. It means pausing to ask:

• Is my energy matching my message?
• Am I creating safety in this conversation or tension?
• Am I showing up with curiosity or trying to dominate the space?

Great leaders don’t just deliver a message. They become the message.

Whether you’re coaching a teammate, talking to your teenager, or presenting to the exec team; how you’re experienced will shape how your message is received. It will either create alignment or resistance.

So, here’s your challenge: Before your next conversation, presentation, or social media post—ask yourself: What experience do I want to leave people with? What do I need to adjust in me to create that experience?

Because people are always experiencing something from you. The question is: Is it the thing you meant to give?